My title is an oxymoron, I am fully aware. Yet, what parent hasn’t felt those moments that are truly struggles. It is a vicious cycle that can be a real challenge. I have read so many articles about parenting in the search of solutions. Ones written by fellow parents, teachers psychologists, sociologists, early childhood educators, journalists…the list goes on and on. Everyone has their opinion, some valid some pure hogwash. Beyond the written word I’ve also talked to many parents and grand-parents. Before having a child I babysat and watched friends become parents. And then of course with my own little one I’m earning my badges. The ideas presented in peaceful parenting philosophies are logical and brilliant. In practice, well there are highs and lows.
There are days though that as a parent I utterly fail, confound it all! In those moments I feel pretty low, I feel as though I’ve let my girl down, myself down and heck even my heritage I’d so desperately like to heal once and for all. Whoa, whoa, wait a second. One step at a time!
I am a human being, with faults and qualities just like everyone else (unless you are a narcissist and admit to having no faults). Patience does not come naturally to me—but I am raising a resilient, confidence and highly independant child. That means that at 4 years old she knows that she is a person and that she has rights. Rights to her own opinion, desires, feelings and outcomes. We are both determined (synonym for stubborn, right?!?) I’m sure you can imagine that this can lead to some clashes. Especially as I set pretty high standards for myself, and to be honest I probably have times where my expectations are hight too. All this sets the stage where putting on the patience mantle again and again is necessary.
I listen actively, as much as I can. I make myself available while being honest during moments I am busy. I show her affection giving hugs and kiss, back rubs and hair preening—much more so than I criticize or nag. We spend s great deal of time with one another. Either homeschooling, gardening, reading stories, swimming in the river, doing art or walking throught the forest. And I apologize. I say I am sorry when I loose my cool, I explain myself. I also acknowledge her emotions and tantrums. I care about what my daughter is passionate about, be it a bug or saving an orchid. When I feel rested I am more vibrant. This is also a part of the struggle: making sure my Happy Mommy cup if full.
At the end of the day, I’m doing my best. I’ll keep reading, talking and observing. Chiseling away at wrote ways and carving out a new path for my mother daughter relationship. Is it working? I’ll have to give you an update when she reaches adulthood!!💜
Esencia Adaptivore 